"Reaching" and Memories of Lady and Dad

"We are reaching for the future
We are reaching for the past
And no matter what we have, we reach for more
We are desperate to discover
What is just beyond our grasp
And maybe that’s what heaven is for"
--chorus from Carolyn Arends' "Reaching" (from Hilary Weeks' album, "If I Only Had Today")

I too find myself reaching for what I can't have so much of the time, especially lately. Yesterday we found our almost-two-year-old kitty, Lady, around the corner of the busy street next to our house. My oldest sister and her kids came over, and we all had a funeral of sorts for our cat. And yes, we unabashedly buried her in our backyard.

Things are just never the same when someone that you love passes away. Lady's passing reminded me that now I'm the only living person to remember the day we picked out her and her brother from the batch of kittens that the kindly fellow on craigslist was offering.

Despite his earlier objections, Dad too secretly wanted another cat, so eventually he caved in when I begged and begged to get another one. The two of us went to check out in person the six kittens that had been listed on the craigslist ad. They were all spread out on the hardwood floor of the fellow's bachelor pad. They were so tiny, so cute, so furry, and oh my, had such sharp claws! The blue and pink collars, which were set as small as they could go, still hung off the kittens' necks. We picked out the two kittens that seemed the friendliest (and cutest) and gently placed them in the pink and black kitty carrier I'd gotten only days before for that very purpose. As I drove home, Dad held the carrier and tried to keep the kittens from soiling it in their fear. (I have never known a cat that enjoyed car rides.)

My biggest regret is that we never took any pictures of Lady and Oreo as kittens. We got the kittens in mid-May of 2008, and it was just after Christmas of that year (if my memory serves me accurately) that Oreo left us and took up residence with another family. Lady has been an "only cat" for over a year, and we all, especially my Dad, came to love her dearly. We even mentioned Lady in Dad's obituary.

I will miss her quirky way of burying herself under the covers, of (as Dad put it best) "kneading the bed dough," and her patient way of waiting to be let outside, seemingly herding us to the door.

And words cannot convey how much I still miss Dad and think of him daily. A person only ever gets one Dad, and I can't help but feel that I got one of the best ones ever.

And so, when I hear the words that Hilary Weeks sings, I too feel that I am reaching for something that just eludes me. I usually have fallen into the "reaching for the future" category, but lately, I've also felt that I'm "reaching for the past." I have been so blessed in my life, yet still, "no matter what [I] have, [I] reach for more." I will end this post by posting the full lyrics to her song, which I have been unable to find anywhere on the Internet.

"There’s a time I can recall

Four years old and three feet tall

Trying to touch the stars and the cookie jar

And both were out of reach

And later on in my high school

It seemed to me a little cruel

How the right words to say

Always seemed to stay just out of reach

Well I should not have thought it strange

That growing causes growing pains

'Cause the more we learn

The more we know we don’t know anything

But still it seems a tragic fate

Living with this quiet ache

The constant strain for what remains

Just out of reach

We are reaching for the future

We are reaching for the past

And no matter what we have, we reach for more

We are desperate to discover

What is just beyond our grasp

And maybe that’s what heaven is for

There are times I can’t forget

Dressed up in my Sunday best

Trying not to squirm and to maybe learn

A bit of what the teacher would teach

And later lying in the dark

I felt a stirring in my heart

And though I longed to see what could not be seen

I still believed

I guess I shouldn’t think it odd

Until we see the face of God

The yearning deep within us

Tells us there’s more to come

So when we taste of the divine

It leaves us hungry every time

For one more taste of what awaits

When heaven’s gates are reached

We are reaching for the future

We are reaching for the past

And no matter what we have, we reach for more

We are desperate to discover

What is just beyond our grasp

And maybe that’s what heaven is for

I believe that’s what heaven is for

There’s a time I can recall

Four years old and three feet tall

Trying to touch the stars and the cookie jar

And both were out of reach"